Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
