I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
