Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
His nipple licking is glorious
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