MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
