I'm jealous of your bromance
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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