Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
