You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
