Don't make out with my wife yet
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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