i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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