i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
