if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I want a musical about memes.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
