Tell her she can't have a vagina
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
