found the other keg... it's in the tree
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
