he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
