guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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