The maid of honor just puked.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
