I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
