she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
