just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
