omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
