I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's always time for handjobs
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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