mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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