the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
