idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
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I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
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OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
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