my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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