I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We left the knife in your bed.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
