So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
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I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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