we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
