I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
