the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
