quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
