she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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