hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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