party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
