it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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