When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
