what day is it and did you see me today?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
