When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
