Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
