Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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