The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
