Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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