covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
