"it" just moved
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
