If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
