just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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