There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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