shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
