There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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