i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
