My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
