so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
