i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
