When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
