If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
