smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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