You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
