My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i've created a new STD.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
