ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
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I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
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Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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