I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
just found out that she named her cat after me.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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