"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
