Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Randomize
