If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We have so much sex to catch up on
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
