he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
