i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
